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There are times when i just sit and stare at this page with a million thoughts all racing through my head, not knowing where to start and wondering whether what i say will be of any use to anyone.

Its December! The one month we have been dreading in this family. A year ago yesterday my beautiful niece Danielle Leah Heggarty died in a car accident. There doesnt seem to be any reason for the accident. Unlike this year where we have ice and snow last year on the 8th December it was cold, and sunny and dry. If we knew the reasons why she died it would not bring her back, it would not change the fact that she will be forever 21. Yesterday family and friends went to her garden. We went in ones and twos and small groups to stand in complete shock and awe at the unbelieveabilty and unacceptablity of it all but yet it all felt final. All year we have waited for someone to tell us that it was lie, that the accident didnt happen and that you are still alive.

Her mum, my sister hugged me like she didnt want to  let me go and i didnt want to let her go either. I am her big sister, I am supposed to make everything better but i cannot even though i would if i could. We talked about each having their own grief but that grief being part of the whole but the whole cannot come together for the grief of the individual is too great for the whole.

Each day we miss you Danielle. I look at your photos and i have recently come to realise that you will always look the same. I know that one day, one by one we will come to join you. But for now we live in a make-believe world. People say it will get better, it will get easier but ‘no’ i do not think so, we will just learn to lie better.

This post goes on facebook but thats ok. Your death has been a public one. You are loved by many and missed with every beat of our hearts. We do not say died, we say you are living somewhere else.

If you love someone tell them. If there is a wrong to be put right – DO IT! Do it today..

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